I will fight.

Hello, WordPress.

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It’s been a while since I posted a new blog entry and I really apologize if I haven’t been updating you guys blog for quite a long time.

The reason is, I’ve been battling depression for a month now. IΒ tried to make a blog post about my depression last week but I just can’t- it’s hard to describe and I feel ashamed about it.

It became worse this month because I’m losing interest in the things that I used to love, and it is getting harder and harder to get up in bed every morning. There are times when I stay up on my room all day and not eating too much and the feeling of fatigue and weary has never left my body ever since. A lot of me has changed; I’m lacking so much in self care, I haven’t even showered for days, I’m aware of it and I don’t feel like doing anything to make myself better.

Sleeping at night is getting more difficult due to many things going on in my head. I can no longer focus to sleep and instead I end up sleeping at 5 or 6 in the morning. Sometimes I would cry at night when everyone else is sleeping because I feel like a failure, a college undergraduate who never made her parents proud and because being a call center agent in the Philippines is a low level kind of job for people who never finished their degree.

As of now, I quit my job because being in a BPO company is not my real profession. I want to travel, discover the world and work at the same time. So many thing hinder me from achieving my goals, and now that I am unemployed, I feel like my life is falling to the ground.

But I want to let you all know that I’m doing my best to fight my battle. I believe I will recover and overcome the problems I’m having now. I’m forcing myself to do things I haven’t done before, like painting my bedroom walls with green and re-decorating my room to make me feel better and comfortable.

My dreams when I was young did not go as planned, but I know something better and something good will come along the way.

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Gaileologist

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